Circular Logic

[Edited 3/23/05 - added link to formerly-hidden message]

It's here, somewhere. The message I hide from the world.

I've discovered that as long as one isn't direct, one doesn't have to believe the negative answer. The argument can be made that since the question wasn't asked directly, the answer couldn't possibly have anything to do with the question. Circular logic? Why not.

Well here's one reason. Wasted energy. Or maybe not wasted exactly; more like ill-spent. Like paying too much for a printer because you liked the salesperson who sold it to you. Yes I like my Epson - the ink-in-the-water trick was great. But I went in to buy a secondary printer for less than $50, and ended up paying nearly double for a machine I like better than the PrinTrio I already had (not to mention the HP Inkjet lying idle).

But I digress. I'm very good at deceiving myself. Providing "outs" and sugar-coated logic to deny reality. But even knowing that, I still do it, and I still believe - and I'm still disappointed when the inevitable happens.

I think perhaps I'm broken somewhere. My mind works logically - mathematics, computers, music, structured poetry - anything that can be explained or reasoned or proven. But my mind reacts emotionally - intense feelings - morose, enraptured, enchanted, shattered. Nothing halfway. So if this fact plus this fact equals this emotion for me, why doesn't it for everybody else? That kind of thing - broken logic.

I resolve to put it behind me and move on. But I know I'll resolve the same thing, again, tomorrow. Inevitably.